Collar-Up Marty

Hey! Welcome back! I am back at work today. Boo! But this blog is back also. Yeah! Any how look at what's going on here. Mr Principal is telling Marty that he is a failure! I know a little bit about education and motivating young people and all, and this is clearly not the way to do it. This guy needs to go to the Mr. Belding school of principaling! You need to be buddy-buddy with the kids these days. They respond to that sort of stuff. You catch more flies with fly candy than vinegar!

I never noticed it before, but Marty reminds me of a certain guy I know who likes to play guitar and pop his collar. I think this guy I know stole his style from Marty. How can I prove this?

Late Night with Marvin Berry

This is a picture of Marvin Berry and the Star Lighters. They are rocking out! I didn't draw the piano player because I didn't think I could. I tried a couple of times and it didn't work out. So just imagine him over there on the left. These guys rule. If I were to have my own chat show I think I would get these guys to be my house band! I think I could riff with the saxophone player. He seems like a cool guy. It would probably go something like this.....

Me: "Politics, did you hear about this today saxophone guy? John McCain was heckled today at a rally. (Pause for laughter) but he didn't hear it because he is old."

Saxophone guy: "I don't know what that means, I am from the 1950's"

Me: "Oh. Yeah, I forgot. Well, he's running for president, and, uh, well, he is pretty old, and, I guess that's funny, and...uh..."

Forget that! I need a different house band! Sorry Starlighters!

The Soda Jerk

Hey. Is it a requirement that all soda fountain guys have to be turds? I know they're called Jerks and all but come on. This guy has a real attitude. Is there a line on the application that says "Describe your general demeanor"? Do they just hire the guys with the worst interview? Is this how Don Rickles got his start? So many questions, not enough time.

Honor thy Father's Follicles

Did somebody mention time travel? I got stuck in the 1920's last night, as I was forced to urinate in a troth! I didn't know that the troth-urinal still existed! You'd think with all of the money that Major League Baseball brings in the Cubs could afford to upgrade there restroom facilities. But no, Wrigley field is a giant Delorean that transports you back to the turn of the century.

Yikes! Marty's brother Dave just kissed George on the head before he left for work at Burger King! That's a very nice thing for a child to do to a parent. But he ruins the moment by making a comment about his fathers hair. Or, more specifically, the product that George has placed in his hair! That's not cool Dave! You're grounded. If I was George I would have said "Oh yeah, nice outfit Ronald MacDonald, you are a failure! I can't believe you are my child." That would have put him in his place!

Who can afford to change the oil anyway? Have you seen how much it costs these days? Here comes the future!

It's a Scare-Crow not a Scare-Car

Hi! Welcome to the future! So guess what? The hotel has the Internet! You want to know what else? I think I time travelled last night! When I got on the plane it was 8 o'clock. I was on the plane for two hours but when I got off the plane it was only 9 o'clock! What happened to that other hour? Wait a minute? Is it still 2008?

Anyway, look at this drawing! As soon as Marty time travelled he decided it would be a good idea to crash into a scarecrow! As soon as I was done time travelling I decided to grab a taxi to the hotel. I think that is a smarter way to deal with the effects of time travel!

Do scarecrows really work? If all the crows were scared where would they go? Do they make Scare other things? I could have used a Scare-homework when I was in school! Or maybe a Scare-soccer goalie! See you in the future! I think.

Make like a candle and wax!

Welcome to the future! Look what happens when you mess with the time space continuum Marty! When you get back to 1985, Biff is waxing your dad's new fancy car! Wait, that's actually a pretty cool side effect. I'll take a panda driven tank that shoots lasers please!

I don't know why they keep this Biff guy around anyway. He seems like a bad apple! I am sure he waxes a mean car and all, but didn't he taunt the crap out of you in high school George? And didn't he try to force himself on you Loraine? Why keep a bully like that in your life? I guess there is some sort of perverse pleasure in watching the guy who used to make your life a living hell do manual labor for you, but still I don't think I would go out of my way to find a place for Biff in my life. Do you think the Karate Kid pays Johnny to rake his leaves! Or Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes hired the "Gooch" to pick up his dry cleaning. (very tiny dry cleaning) No they wouldn't do that. Because that would be stupid. Wise up George!

On a more human, nuts-and-bolts note, I am leaving for Chicago this afternoon. Hopefully the place where I am staying has the Wi-Fi. If it doesn't there will be no posts until Friday. Sorry. I could always wrangle up a time machine in the distant future, and then go back in time to tomorrow to make a post!

Uncle Butthead

Hi! Look at this. Marty just told his nine year old uncle Milton that he has two televisions. The kid can't believe it! Marty must be rich! But look who the surprised kids is. It's Wayne Arnold! Kevin's brother from The Wonder Years! That's crazy! I was waiting for Milton to call Marty a "Scroat". But it doesn't happen, unfortunately. This guy must only act in period pieces. Have you ever seen him in anything that was set in the modern era? Besides "Scott Baio is 45 and..." that doesn't count. And don't go check IMDB either to find something he was in. I'll know if you do that.

I wish I had a coon skin hat! Those things are pretty damn cool! You don't see them around anymore! I bet it has something to do with vegetarians or something.